Danoz Dreaming

I need help. I need support. i am ashamed of what I almost did and Im not afraid to say it. There has to be some form of 12 step meeting held in a church basement for people like me. Or, for people like what I am about to become......

It started innocently enough. Im on late shift tonight so I thought I would sleep in for an extra hour or two and then get up and be a bum for a little while before I went to work. All was going fine. I woke up at 9.30, shower, breakfast..... then I TURNED THE TV ON.

Nothing wrong with that you say, we all have our lazy mornings where we decline to do anything even remotely productive, and so far not there is not. It is what happened AFTER I turned the TV on that has turned me into a shamful borderline PERSON WITH PROBLEM.

The television was tuned to channel ten, and the program of choice was Good Morning Australia with good ole Moonface himself Bert Newton. I stared blankly for a while- a couple of very B grade lounge singing celebrities, a washed up old superstar with her new protege...... Then IT happened.

Bert said "And now heres a word from Moira" and suddenly I came face to face with the all new all amazing 49 piece super storage set, complete with lids and plastic stand to hold and organise. These quality containers all come with interchangeable lids so you will never be left with one container that is lid free. Microwaveable airtight, there is nothing these containers CANT do. And what about for use in other parts of the house? Store your nuts and bolts, use them in the laundry, keep your hair clips rust free. These containers do everything, from negotiating conflict situations in the middle east to feeding starving masses in small African nations.

AND ALL FOR ONE EASY CREDIT CARD PAYMENT OF $49.95!!! And if you ring today they will throw in ANOTHER SET for HALF PRICE. I tell with 98 of these miracle wonders, we could abolish terrorism! Civil unrest would be a thing of the past, and those EVIL COMMUNISTS would be GONE FOREVER.

Yes it sounds too good to be true. Hell it IS to good to be true. Because logically, the containers will probably buckle, the lids will be mishapen, and the stand will be too small to fit them in. And when is anyone going to need 98 miracle containers? Am I really going to find 98 uses for something that looks suspiciously like a chinese takeaway container with a fancy blue lid?

NO I AM NOT. Which brings me to the reason why I feel so ashamed. I WROTE THE TOLL FREE NUMBER DOWN. I wrote down the number that flashed when they said CALL NOW! I am not going to publish that number here, because I do not want to tempt any of my poor readers with such a FANTASTIC DEAL. But the fact that I wrote the number down means that I actually entertained, even if only for a few seconds, the idea of ringing up and PURCHASING 49 glorified fast food containers and a dodgy plastic stand to hold them in. And that, dear reader, is sad and frightening.

Imagine if I did- would I be able to stop there? Next would be the MAGIC BULLET, which may sound like a sex toy but is in fact an "amazing new concept in food processing". Or maybe I need a couple of bagless vacuum cleaners (buy one get one free- do you really need two?) or a super duper slicer-dicer that is sold by some old pommy dude who talks too fast and expects to amaze me by the fact that he just cut chips. The television shopping possibilities appear endless....

Its a dangerous and frightening addiction, and I think that all products by Danoz Direct and Home Shopping should come with a Health and Safety warning and information one the TVS-line- Thats TV Shopping addiction line for those of you who dont know. They should have those little warnings flashing up on the screen.

Well I must go, that was the doorbell and I have a feeling that my Amazing Ab workout machine that will also braid my hair and wash my dishes has just turned up- all for 4 easy credit card payments of $59.95..... BYYYEEEEEEE