SPORT SUX

I have a confession to make. Some may be shocked. Some may be offended. Some may NEVER READ MY BLOG AGAIN (dum dum DUUUUM)......

I am really crap at sport. There you go, said it. I am probably one of the worst sports players that ever walked the earth. I am so bad that when I played soccer, they would only sub me on the field when an equally shit player came off and they would generally place me in a position where I did the least damage humanly possible. Well, maybe thats an overstatement, I played soccer for 15 years and Im sure I managed to play a few half decent games. Probably only by accident though.

Its not that Im unfit, I go to the gym 4 times a week and I can run 5k on a treadmill. Its not that Im selfish, I love team sports and I am always looking out for whats best for the team. Its just unfortunate that what is best for the team is me sitting on the sideline with a beer and a rug over my knees.

My problem is not my brain, I know WHAT I am supposed to do and I know WHEN I am supposed to do it- though WHAT I should be doing is NOT PLAYING and WHEN I should be doing it is NEVER.

The problem is, and all my fellow uncos out there will completely relate to this, that my feet will not do what my brain tells it to do. My brain knows, my feet know, but they seem to be ignoring each other when the time comes for them to act like a team.
My eyes dont work, my arms turn to jelly. All of my hard work and training go out the window when I play team sport. My legs seize and refuse to run. People on the sideline scream 'get moving Ris' but they dont realise that I am virtually glued to the spot.

I think it is actually a combination of pessimism and fear that destroy me. I am afraid of letting people down. I am afraid of fucking up and costing my team a goal. I am afraid that they will all laugh at me. i am afraid that I will be the last one picked..... well I probably already was.

The stupid thing is, all I ever wanted to do was play sport. I was always so keen. I ran in every race (I think once I even came SECOND last), I swam at every swimming carnival. I tried to play hockey, soccer, tennis, basketball, softball. I turned up early to training, paid to go to extra training camps. I put up with comments about my weight, my glasses, my nerdiness, and still put in the effort day after day week after week. I would listen to my parents, and believe them when they said practice makes perfect. I TRIED, gave it 100% EVERY TIME WITHOUT FAIL WITHOUT QUESTION.

Now that might sound like a good attitude, like I did the right thing. But is setting myself up for failure after failure week after week and putting up with put down after put down really THE RIGHT THING. The amount of times I was pulled off the field and sat on the bench because I was not good enough and the other PARENTS on the sideline were booing me was ridiculous.

Is it really the RIGHT THING to allow yourself to feel this way? I know we grow up and then its all good and you dont feel so bad and you can laugh at yourself and no one judges you for being crap and bullshit bullshit bullshit, you are good at other things, you can write really good stories well WHO CARES if you can write good stories, WHO CARES if you are grammatically correct and can spell words that other people have never heard of, WHO CARES if you are booksmart, I can tell you who, not many people. What am I going to do, compete in a word Olympics? Go and play theatre sports? PLEASE!

Actually, the theatre sports is actually a pretty good idea........

But anyway. My other half pointed out that I am better at reading and writing than him..... woo-hoo. Thats not actually a supported fact, as he is getting hundreds of hits on his blog every week and I dont think that even my friends read this anymore.

And its not as if people who write well get invited to "drinks after the game". We get invited to edit peoples pamphlets and read over peoples assignments. Then we get asked what this word means and how to spell that. Wow impressive.

Ok, well this rant is pretty much over, I have stopped making sense, and I am no longer feeling like shit. Hell Ive even started to laugh while writing this which has got to be a good sign.

Its sad that Im crap at sports, I really love them and I would like to play. I even want to play scary touch Aussie Rules even though I quit last night and they probably have a new girl to fill my space.

What do you all think cyberspace peoples?