My Pet Hates

Well, dear readers, two posts in one week! I know that i am spoiling you, but I feel that, as my loyal fans and devotees, you all deserve it.

I've had a hell of a day. The kind of day that makes you want throw random objects at innocent people. The kind of day that leaves you wishing you had the guts to tell rude old people to get fucked (harsh, arent I?).

Today it seemed as though people were going out of their way to piss me off. Whether they knew it or not, it seemed that every person knew exactly what my pet hates were and all were intent on turning my day into my own personal hell......

So here we go. My pet hates. In a list, on a blog, for all the world to see. Hopefully those of you who apparently love to go out of your WAY to annoy me (and I know you are out there, im just hoping that you are reading this blog) will take some notes....

1) One word replies to text messages. Really people, why waste your 30c? Why waste money on stupid text messages that say things like "ok" or "cool" or even worse "yup" (worse because its not even a real word, even the online dictionary describes it as slang). A certain man in my life sent me an annoying one worder today (and yes it was the evil "yup") which irritated me so much that I almost threw my phone in front of an oncoming truck. My figuring is: if you cant do me the decency of writing me a complete sentence, or at the very least the text version of a complete sentence, the DON'T BOTHER WRITING AT ALL. Easy.

2) People who call me "girly" over the phone and then assume that Im either a receptionist or a secretary. These people are generally older males, and they generally think that they can talk down to me and treat me like an idiot who wont understand the "big words" that they are saying. Just because I am female and I have a nice phone manner does not mean that I work in a role that involves me picking up some overpaid assholes drycleaning or filing his paperwork. No offence to all those secretaries and receptionists out there but that is NOT ME and if it ever is me, I will take my own life. Wait though, secretaries arent called that anymore are they? Personal Assistants now, thats right... bet thats their pet hate- being called a secretary! However I think that even if I WAS a receptionist or a personal assistant, these horrid old men would still be one of my pet hates.

3)People who mispronounce words. For instance "aks" instead of ask, "liberry" instead of library, "excape" instead of escape. I mean really, its cute when you are four years old, but when you are thirty-three and you need to aks me directions so you can excape to the liberry, it really doesnt sit so well. If you can't pronounce simple words, take a class, practice your pronunciation, or if all else fails, say something else. Request directions so that you can hide in the big place with lots of books for christs sake, I dont care.
Dont get me wrong- this isnt an issue with slang, or shortening words or anything like that. I also dont have problems with people who cant pronounce big words- deoxyribonucleic acid for example - even funny names like Dzminski - they arent a problem, because WHO CAN pronounce those words unless they have a triple degree in science, english and russian history?

4) (and finally) Big women in tiny clothes. You know the ones. Size 20 and trying to fit into a size 12? The ones whose guts are so huge that they not only fall over the waistband of their pants but actually hang out from under their shirts? You see them all the time- big fat girls wearing little tiny outfits that make them look like really bad comedy skits, fat bulging out tight sleeves, pouring from under tiny skirts and pooling around ankles adorned with impossible heels. For some reason, I find these people sad and kind of frightening. Sad, because it seems that they have bowed to social convention and think that they must squeeze themselves into ridiculous outfits in the name of fashion, and frightening because they have the guts to wear these outfits and seem to think that they actually look hot in these outfits. I also worry about where their friends are- I mean if I close friend of mine was about to walk the streets with more muffin top than clothing, I would stop them and tell them. And I would like to think that if I were to do the same, my friends would tell me. The only thing worse than a cheap slut is a cheap slut with cankles and a gunt. Really.

Ok well thats it. Now you know that I am a horrible person with really stupid pet hates. Oh I did forget one, the one about people who try to force their religion on me, but in these times of vilification tension and hate, I thought I would leave that one for another time.....

Have fun